My greatest fear

Dear blog,

I sometimes ask myself what is my greatest fear.... and i have 2 of them...

I fear that when i we grow i will be like my dad....

My dad is an emotional man ... he is often very short tempered and he doesnt show love like other fathers. and it has been five years since my dad and mom have been divorced

and the reason of the divorce was not because of us but because he has mentally tormented my mom and us for more then 25 yrs with his gambling habits and both physical (Not that extreme)and verbal(extreme to the max) abusive behaviour... now that we dont see him, life is better but there are times i quarrel with my mom and i just keep having flash back of my dad

just last nite i had an argument with my mom and things got heated and i started raising my voice it came to a point when she told me that i was acting like my dad... and it frigthens me ... the man i never want to be is to be like my dad... and last nite i was HIM....

it is often said the a dysfunctional family is often a vicious cycle and i want to break that cycle but at this rate, i am going to become HIM.... I would rather remain single and alone then bring suffering to people that i love